Passion

Passion - A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger. 2. a. Ardent love. b. Strong sexual desire; lust. c. The object of such love or desire.

My passion seemed to have left me for a while, I'm sure you may have noticed I have not been writing daily for quite some time.
I was going through life with this (sigh) I'm tired attitude which still now makes me feel sad. I would wake up, get Bit off to school then space out kind of sit there wondering what to do next. While not wanting to do anything at all. I would log-on to Facebook and play games instead of looking for a job ( yes, currently out of work). This became my daily ritual. I have for the past month avoided facebook and all of the applications attached to it. YES I miss you all but need to get back to being me.
It seems as though somewhere along the line I lost me. The real me that has too many passions and loves. The me that likes to stand in the middle of the road and give both good and bad to all situations. ( even when I know others don't care) The me that enjoys coloring and drawing - writing and ex specially the mee that giggles a lol when I say mee is tam and tam is mee :)
I come to realize all of this while sitting thinking why??? WHY??? why God?? can I not get all of the things I know need to be done...done.
Its not like I have a full day planned out and can't find the time to do those silly tedious task like sweeping the floor or washing the towels. OR could I ....
I noticed when I was spiraling along in my depressed BLAH gray area of life that time was just never there. I am not sure if I made it that way or if I was simply letting life slide right on by without a first let alone a second glance.
PASSION.....
I took inventory...Faith check- Well-being ( could be better) but I'm breathing, walking talking- ehh check........ Family umm this one gets complicated to me BF check ( he is AWESOME!!) Bit - doing great -check, other kids I consider mine -check also ( I never waiver from the well being of the children around me), Other family members ( they are who they will always be) I will focus on the encouraging ones and smile at all the rest -check. ummm Employment- ( sigh) not sure if I have given up or just worn out all my resources- If one more person tells me I am over qualified or I need to Finish one of my degrees I am going to SCREAMMMMM-
Over qualified - seems like that would mean I would do a great job for your company........... ?! no?? why not?? grrrrrr???? !
Finish a degree I would love to but umm seems you need a job for the money to PAY for the classes. ( Yes I tried to get financial aid) have been told everything from we have too many applicants to whispers of your not quite right for our program ( WOW that made me feel good)

I have alot of supportive people that want to encourage me in my writing, teaching even in my selling online. It was not them it was me, I want to sell online again but first I have to get motivated, selling stuff online can be hard, when you run into ugly people that try their best to empty out your bank accounts. ( sigh..again) Karma should be busy as H...L with all the scammers on the Internet. At least I hope she is.

Back to my Subject line - Passion after taking inventory I noticed my passion was / is missing. That passion to succeed in each task I do, to inspire others, make Bits life so much better than mine. The passion to play hard and live harder, to climb, hike, run all over NC <> . My passion to ...well to live - that is LIVE << class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">LLLL IIII VVVVV ( silent e). Not just exist, not listen to those who should but do not encourage my outrageous plans to be a writer, teacher, and most important to me an inspire other's to become AWESOME in what they do.

hummm now where could I have left this passion laying ( those who know me personally know I leave things in odd places) ...so I went looking high and low for my passion. ( kept asking what the heck does passion look like) I figured I would recognize it when I found it.
Then Just today I guess I found it - it was here all along I was just ignoring it. I was standing outside looking at this wonderful earth in its sunny glory and thought to myself ... what am I doing out here I should be inside typing away online.
and wahlah .... Passion. lets hope it stays for a while if not forever. =^.^= puurrrr :)